Raising Resilient Kids: What to do after a bad school day

Every child has rough days at school, days when they feel left out, struggle with a lesson, or clash with a classmate. As parents, we can’t prevent every disappointment, but we can teach our kids how to bounce back. That’s what resilience is all about: helping children recover from challenges and move forward with confidence.

Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring feelings or “toughening up.” Instead, it’s about learning how to feel the feelings, work through them, and find healthy ways to cope. When kids practice these skills after a tough day at school, they build emotional muscles that will serve them for life.

Step 1: Let Them Feel First

Before kids can learn from a hard situation, they need time to release their emotions. Whether it’s tears, anger, or silence, their nervous system needs a chance to settle. Pushing for solutions too soon only adds pressure.

• Offer empathy: “That sounds like it was really frustrating.”
  
• Give space: quiet play, a snack, or a walk outside often help reset their mood.

(For more on supporting your child through those big feelings, see Helping Kids Recover from a Bad Day at School.)

Step 2: Model Calm Recovery

Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. If you share your own healthy coping strategies, like deep breathing, journaling, or taking a short break, you show them resilience in action.

• Example: “I had a hard day at work too, so I’m going to take a few minutes to stretch and clear my head.”
  
• This teaches kids that stress is normal, and that recovery is possible.

Step 3: Reflect Once They’re Ready

When emotions have calmed, it’s time to gently reflect on what happened. Encourage your child to think about what went wrong, what they might do differently next time, and what they did do well (even small wins count).

Try prompts like:

• “What was the hardest part of your day?”
  
• “What helped you get through it, even a little?”
  
• “Is there something we could try together next time?”

This step helps kids reflect on what they did that helped even a little bit (and they would repeat), and plan ahead for what they want to do differently next time.  It helps them feel more prepared for challenges.

Step 4: Teach Simple Coping Tools

Resilience grows when kids have tools they can use on their own. A few child-friendly strategies include:

• Breathing exercises (like blowing bubbles slowly or smelling a flower/blowing out a candle).
  
• Movement breaks (shooting hoops, riding a bike, or dancing to a favorite song).
  
• Creative outlets (drawing, journaling, or building with Legos).

Encourage your child to experiment and find what works best for them.

Step 5: Build Recovery Routines

Consistency helps kids trust that they can recover. Create small, predictable after-school rituals that support resilience. Examples:

• A healthy snack + quiet time before homework.
  
• A short outdoor play break before diving into chores.
  
• Family “high/low” check-ins at dinner, where everyone shares one good and one hard thing from the day.

We can’t shield our children from every rough day, nor do we want to. Unfortunately, the only way kids learn how to handle tough days and become more resilient is to experience tough days. Even though it may break your heart, do your best to remember that growth doesn’t happen when life is easy and you can help by giving them the skills to handle it. 

By letting them feel first, modeling calm, reflecting when ready, and offering practical coping tools, you’re helping your child build resilience step by step.

And here’s the good news: resilience grows over time. The more your child practices bouncing back, the more confident they’ll become in their ability to handle whatever school, and life, throws their way.

✨ Parenting Toolbox Tip: Celebrate small recoveries. Even if your child simply manages to calm down faster than last time, point it out: “I noticed you were upset, but you found a way to get back on track. That took real strength.” Recognition reinforces resilience.

If your child’s after-school meltdowns or tough days feel overwhelming, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out on your own either. I’d love for you to join me at my upcoming Big Feelings Workshop, where I’ll teach you why kids struggle with big emotions, the 5 mistakes that can accidentally escalate them, and practical tools you can use to calm the chaos and strengthen your connection. This workshop only happens once a year, and it’s free to attend live, so I hope you’ll save your spot and join us! 👉 Reserve your seat for the Big Feelings Workshop