Helping Kids Who Struggle with Change: Practical Tips for Parents

Do you have a child who finds it hard to adjust to new environments or unexpected changes? While many children approach new experiences—like starting a new school year or meeting new people—with curiosity and excitement, others may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even resistant. If this sounds like your child, know that you’re not alone.

Every child responds to change differently. In many families, it’s common to have one child who thrives in new situations and another who becomes stressed or reactive. As a parent to two children with very different temperaments, I’ve experienced this firsthand. Back-to-school season, in particular, was often one of the more emotionally challenging times of the year for us.

Why Transitions Are Hard for Some Kids

Children who struggle with change often also have difficulty regulating big emotions. Their nervous systems crave predictability and routine because it helps them feel secure. When faced with a new situation—like a change in routine, a new classroom, or unfamiliar social dynamics—these kids can quickly become dysregulated.

This emotional overload can show up as tantrums, irritability, defiance, or emotional withdrawal. To parents, these reactions may seem irrational or even “difficult.” And when we interpret our child’s behavior this way, it can trigger our own frustration and make it harder to offer the connection and support they need most.

The Hidden Impact of Labeling

It’s natural to feel frustrated when your child reacts strongly to change, especially when their behavior disrupts the flow of your day or family routine. However, labeling a child as “difficult” can unintentionally harm their self-esteem and strain the parent-child bond.

Kids are incredibly perceptive. When they sense they are being compared to more flexible siblings or treated as the "problem child," they may internalize those beliefs. Over time, this can lead to a damaging self-identity that limits their confidence and resilience.

How Parents Can Support Emotionally Sensitive Kids

Supporting a child who struggles with change starts with managing ourself and our own mindset. Here are some strategies to help parents stay grounded and offer the calm, consistent support their child needs:

1. Use a Grounding Mantra

One of the most helpful mindsets to adopt comes from Dr. Ross Greene: “Kids do well if they can.” Remind yourself that your child isn’t trying to be difficult—they’re experiencing stress their nervous system can’t easily manage. Most children don’t enjoy being out of control and often feel regretful afterward.

2. Anticipate Trigger Moments

Think ahead to the situations that are likely to trigger your child’s anxiety or resistance. Whether it’s the first day of school, a change in daily routine, or starting a new activity, prepare your own mindset in advance. Decide what thoughts you want to bring into those moments—thoughts like “He’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time.”

3. Regulate Yourself First

One of the most effective ways to stay calm when your child isn’t is to focus on your breath. Deep, intentional breathing can quickly lower your stress levels—and if done audibly, your child may follow your lead. A few calming breaths can shift the energy in a tense moment and help both of you re-center.

4. Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

When your mind labels your child as “difficult,” recognize that thought for what it is: just a thought. You don’t have to believe it. Replace it with a more compassionate perspective like, “My child is having a hard time because he’s wired differently, and that’s okay.” Over time, shifting your inner narrative can change how you respond externally.

Final Thoughts

Transitions are part of life, and while some children breeze through them, others need extra time, patience, and support. When parents take a step back to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface, it opens the door to deeper connection and healthier coping strategies.

Remember: your child isn’t trying to make life harder—they’re doing their best with the tools they have. And with your support, they can build confidence, resilience, and the emotional regulation skills they need to thrive, even in the face of change.

Are you part of the Confident Parenting Email Community?  If not, you should be!  I send out a weekly parenting tip every Tuesday to help grow your parenting toolbox, I share my articles and other parenting strategies every Thursday, and you are the first to know about any of my upcoming classes and workshops.  I also have a back to school series starting in August with tips to help set your kids up for a successful start to the school year.  Click here to join!