The Secret To Parenting Through BIG Feelings

Do you have a child who struggles with BIG feelings?   Let’s be real — BIG feelings can cause both headaches and heartaches for parents and caregivers.  If you have a child who struggles with managing BIG feelings and it causes issues and conflicts with friends it can be heartbreaking.  If you have a child whose BIG feelings continually derail plans and affect the whole family it can be extremely frustrating.

If this is you, know that you’re not alone.  As a parent, I’ve experienced both the headaches and heartaches that big feelings can cause and I now work with parents that have these same issues.  

Big feelings can be hard to manage as a parent, and most parents don’t know what to do.  Their first instinct is to solve the problem that is causing the big feelings or explain, reason, or justify to their child why it’s not a problem and why their child shouldn’t be so upset.  Their goal is to stop their child from having these big reactions.

So if you have a child who is melting down in the checkout line because they want a piece of candy, you’re going to want to give in to get them to stop — and if you have a child who is anxious about starting a new karate class and refusing to go, you’re going to want to tell them that they’re going to be fine and there is nothing to worry about.

Know that this is completely normal.  As a parent, we are wired to care for our kids and keep them from danger.  When they are in distress, we naturally want to make it go away.

This can have us trying multiple strategies, consequences, and rewards.  Some things may work once or for a little while, but then something else will come up and big feelings come up again.

That’s because we are solving the wrong problem.

The secret to parenting through BIG feelings isn’t to stop your child from having them but to help them learn how to navigate through them.

Our kids are going to experience frustration, anger, anxiety, shame, disappointment, and a whole host of feelings throughout their lives.  As parents and caregivers, we don’t want to keep our kids from having to experience these emotions — we want to help them learn the skills to know what to do when they have them.

This is what I do.  I explain where BIG feelings and behaviors come from, common mistakes many parents make and how to avoid them, and I teach research-backed parenting tools to help you better manage and support your kids through them.  My next LIVE workshop will be in Bradford on April 4th, and it’s free and open to the public.  Click here to register.

If this is something that you struggle with, please join us.  Here is what one parent said after a recent workshop: “Mel’s presentation on Big Feelings was so helpful! I not only left there with concrete techniques to try when my child is experiencing big feelings and having a hard time, but I also have a better understanding of why she is experiencing these feelings in the first place! I have begun to implement some of Mel’s suggestions and am already seeing a positive change in my daughter’s behavior and am feeling much more confident as a parent!”