The Pressure to Get It Right As A Parent & Why It’s Holding You Back

Do you ever catch yourself wondering — Am I doing this right?
Do you find yourself second-guessing your decisions, replaying your child’s behavior in your mind, and searching for the “perfect” response?

You’re not alone. In nearly every live workshop I’ve led, I’ve had parents ask not only about their challenges — tantrums, backtalk, bedtime struggles — but also something deeper: Am I doing this right?

I could see it in their eyes, in the tension held in their shoulders, and even in the way they spoke — that quiet but heavy pressure to get it all just right. It felt like a boulder pressing on their chest. A fear of messing up. A constant worry that they’re somehow falling short.

And here’s what I want you to know: The pressure to get it right doesn’t help you parent better — it actually makes it harder.

What Pressure Does to Your Brain and Body
Let’s break it down. When you’re putting immense pressure on yourself, your body responds as if you’re in danger. Your sympathetic nervous system — your fight-or-flight system — kicks in. Blood rushes to your muscles to help you run or fight, and away from your brain’s higher thinking centers.

That means the very part of your brain you need for problem-solving, patience, and clear decision-making is now offline.

So what happens instead?
You spiral.
You overthink.
You imagine worst-case scenarios.
You disconnect from the present moment.

All while trying to parent through confusion, worry, and self-doubt.

When Worry Replaces Trust
Worry is a natural part of parenting — we all want the best for our children. But when worry takes over, it clouds our judgment and erodes our confidence.

When you’re stuck thinking, “I don’t know what to do,” you stay frozen in that uncertainty. But when you shift the question to, “What can I do to help my child?” you begin to move forward with clarity and intention.

It’s a small shift — but a powerful one. Because it returns the power to you. You’re no longer trying to be perfect; you’re focusing on being present and resourceful.

Building Confidence Without the Pressure
In my workshops, I always share research-backed tools and strategies. I believe in the power of a strong parenting toolbox. Having proven techniques you can rely on truly makes a difference — it reduces stress and builds confidence.

But here’s the thing: your mindset matters just as much as your methods.

If you show up tense, worried, and afraid of getting it wrong, even the best tools won’t work the way they’re meant to. But when you show up with calm and confidence — even if you don’t have all the answers — you create space for connection, learning, and growth (yours and your child’s).

A Practice for Letting Go
Here’s a simple practice I share in workshops, and I invite you to try it right now:

Put your hand on your heart.
Take a deep breath.
Gently say to yourself, “I can handle this.”

Repeat as needed. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need to be present, compassionate, and willing to take the next step.

You’ve Got This
Letting go of the pressure doesn’t mean you stop growing or learning as a parent. It means you stop beating yourself up. It means you trust yourself to learn, adjust, and keep showing up — even when things are messy.

Because parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about connection. And it’s about trusting that, no matter what today looks like, you’ve got this.

So the next time you feel the weight of “getting it right,” take a breath and remind yourself:

I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be present.
I can handle this.
I’ve got this.

And you truly do. 💛

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