How to Prepare Yourself for Holiday Get-Togethers (and Judgy Relatives)

The holidays are supposed to be filled with warmth, laughter, and connection, but if we’re being honest… They can also bring stress, overstimulation, and judgment.

Maybe it’s your mom giving you a disapproving look when your child has a meltdown. Or your sister-in-law offering “helpful advice” about discipline. Or maybe it’s just the stories running through your own head about what everyone else must be thinking.

We want to be proud of our kids, so we can end up viewing their behavior from everyone else’s perspective.  And when we feel judged, or even anticipate judgment, our nervous system reacts as if we’re under threat. Our stress response kicks in, and we move into “command and demand” parenting mode with our kids. That’s when voices get louder, tempers flare, and the day spirals downhill fast.

So how do you handle holiday get-togethers with overstimulated kids and judgy relatives without losing your cool?

1. Expect It and Plan for It

Expect that your child will be tired, overstimulated, and running on sugar and excitement. Expect that someone will have an opinion about how you parent.
When you expect it, you’re not thrown off when it happens, and you can respond intentionally instead of reactively.

Instead of thinking, “They shouldn’t be so judgmental,” try shifting to, “Of course they have opinions, that’s what they do.”
That one thought creates space for calm and keeps you in control.

2. Stay in Your Own Lane

You can’t control what others think, say, or do, including your relatives and your kids. The only person you can control is you.

When you catch yourself worrying about what others think, bring your focus back to how you want to show up.  Ask yourself:

• Who do I want to be as a parent at this moment?
• What do I want my kids to see and feel from me right now?

3. Let Their Opinions Be Theirs

Older generations often raised kids in a time when obedience was prized over understanding. Their comments usually come from that lens, and from love (even if it doesn’t feel that way).
You don’t have to convince them to agree with you. You can let them have their opinions and still parent in a way that aligns with your values.

4. Decide Ahead of Time

Studies have shown that you are 50% more likely to follow through when you choose ahead of time the choices that you will make in the moment.

So decide ahead of time how you will handle a meltdown, or what you will say to that relative that loves to give their opinion on your child’s behavior and how you should parent.

5. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection

Your child doesn’t need to impress your relatives.  They need to feel safe and loved by you.
When things go sideways (and they will), your calm presence is what helps them recover fastest.

So this year, instead of aiming for a “perfect” family gathering, aim for connection - with your kids, with yourself, and with the people who matter most.

Want a little extra help planning ahead for this holiday season?

Again, you are 50% more likely to follow through when you choose ahead of time the choices you will make in the moment, so I created a resource to guide you through the process!  The Calm Parent’s Holiday Survival Guide is filled with practical tools, mindset shifts, and quick prompts and scripts to help you handle overstimulated kids and judgmental relatives while staying grounded and connected.  Click here to get your copy today!