How to Help Your Kids Prepare for Family Gatherings

Family gatherings over the holidays can be exciting, but also overwhelming for kids.  There are new environments, different routines, unfamiliar foods, and lots of people (many of whom they only see once or twice a year). Add sugar, late bedtimes, and noise to the mix, and even the calmest kids can reach their breaking point.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “They’re acting completely out of control… what happened to my child?”, you’re not alone. The holidays can be a recipe for overstimulation and meltdowns.

The good news is that with a little preparation and realistic expectations, you can help your kids manage it all much more smoothly.

1. Talk About What to Expect

Kids do better when they know what’s coming.  Before you go, walk them through what the day will look like:

• Who will be there
• What activities or meals are planned
• How long you’ll stay
• What behavior you expect from them

You can even role-play greetings or transitions if that helps your child feel more comfortable. For younger kids, simple statements work best:

“There will be lots of people excited to see you. If you don’t feel like hugs, you can give a high five or wave.”

When kids know what to expect, their brains feel safer, and they’re less likely to go into meltdown mode.

2. Plan for Their Needs

A hungry, tired, or overstimulated child is a meltdown waiting to happen.
Before the event, think through what your child will need to stay regulated:

• Bring snacks you know they’ll eat.
• Pack a comfort item (like a favorite stuffed animal or fidget).
• Identify a quiet space they can go to if they need a break.

It’s also helpful to keep an eye on the time, even 15 minutes before your child is “done” is the perfect time to start wrapping up.  When my kids were little, I learned that trying to push my kids past their bedtime resulted in complete melt downs which wasn't fun for anyone.  So I let everyone know ahead of time that we needed to leave by 7pm, and we would be the first to arrive and first to leave.

3. Lower the Bar (and Your Expectations)

If you go in expecting perfect manners and cheerful cooperation all day, you’re setting both of you up for frustration.  Instead, expect that your child may have a hard time, and decide ahead of time how you’ll handle it.

Instead of thinking “We talked about appropriate behavior and this is not it.” You might think “They’re tired, and this is a lot for them. Of course they’re having a hard time.”

That thought keeps you grounded and allows you to respond calmly instead of reacting in frustration.

4. Create a Connection Plan

When kids feel connected, they behave better… even in tough settings.
Take a few moments of one-on-one connection before you head out:
Cuddle, read a short book, or share a silly moment.
Throughout the day, look for small ways to reconnect: a hand squeeze, an encouraging smile, or a whispered “I’m proud of you.”

Those small moments of connection go a long way toward helping your child feel safe and regulated.

5. Debrief Afterward

Once the event is over, take a few minutes to reflect together:

“What was your favorite part?”
“What was hard?”
“What can we do differently next time?”

When you talk it through calmly, your child learns to reflect, regulate, and problem-solve which are skills that will help them far beyond the holidays.

The Bottom Line

The holidays can be wonderful and challenging, and both can be true!  When you prepare your child (and yourself) with realistic expectations, empathy, and a plan for connection, you create more space for joy, even when things get messy.

Looking for more ways to make family gatherings go smoothly?

Grab your free copy of The Calm Parent’s Holiday Survival Guide!  It’s packed with strategies to help you plan ahead, set realistic expectations, and keep both you and your kids regulated and connected, even in the middle of the holiday chaos and judgmental relatives.