Back-to-School Nerves? Here’s How to Help Your Child Feel More Confident

Does your child get anxious when it’s time to head back to school? Even kids who are excited can experience nervous energy as the first day approaches. Each new school year brings change.  New teachers, classrooms, peers, and routines often come with some very normal feelings of uncertainty.

As a parent, how you respond to your child’s back-to-school anxiety can make a big difference. This is something I coach families through every year, and one simple shift can go a long way.

The Most Common (But Unhelpful) Response

When your child says, “I’m nervous,” what’s your first instinct?

If you’re like most parents, it’s probably to reassure them:

• “You’re going to be fine!”
• “There’s nothing to worry about.”
• “You’re going to love your teacher!”

While reassurance is well-intentioned (and comes from a loving place), it can actually make things worse. When we tell kids not to worry, while they are clearly feeling worried, we unintentionally send the message that their feelings are wrong or invalid. This mismatch between their internal experience and our response can heighten anxiety, not ease it.

Why Back-to-School Brings Up Big Feelings

From a neuroscience perspective, this all makes sense. Our brains are wired to prefer predictability and familiarity. Facing something new, like a different classroom, teacher, or set of social dynamics, automatically registers as a potential threat to the nervous system. This doesn’t mean there’s actual danger, just that the brain is doing what it was built to do: scan for anything unknown that could require extra attention.

For kids (and adults!), this can feel like butterflies, nervous chatter, or even resistance and meltdowns.

The Better Approach: Normalize the Nerves

Instead of trying to talk your child out of their feelings, help them make sense of them. Let them know that being nervous before new things is completely normal, and that it doesn’t mean something is wrong.

Here’s what that can sound like: 

• “It makes total sense that you’re nervous—this is all new!”

• “Lots of kids feel unsure before the first day.”

• “Even grownups get nervous before something unfamiliar.”

Validation calms the nervous system. When your child feels seen and heard, their brain can stop sounding the internal alarm.

Real-Life Example: A Nervous Niece, and a Small Shift That Worked

A couple of years ago my sister called me for advice. Her daughter was anxious about starting a new sports program. She’d be one of the youngest kids there, and was having second thoughts. In the past, my sister might’ve said, “There’s nothing to worry about. You’ll do great!” But after speaking with me, she tried a new approach.

She acknowledged her daughter’s nerves and shared that she also feels nervous when she does something new. The effect was immediate: her daughter visibly relaxed, walked into the program with no hesitation, and ended up loving it.

The same nervous feelings cropped up before a summer camp. My sister reminded her of how she felt before the sports program, and how it all turned out. Her daughter felt more confident was able to face the new situation with far less stress.

More Tips for Easing Back-to-School Anxiety

🧠 1. Talk About What to Expect

Review what their day will look like: when they’ll wake up, how they’ll get to school, what lunch will be like, etc. Predictability builds confidence.

🗓️ 2. Start Routines Early

Begin adjusting sleep and wake times, reintroduce structure, and practice morning routines at least one to two weeks in advance.

📚 3. Visit the School

If possible, walk around the school, check out the playground, and find the entrance they'll use. Even driving the route helps.

✏️ 4. Create a Coping Plan

Talk through what they can do if they feel nervous at school. Deep breaths? Talking to a teacher? Knowing their options gives kids a sense of control.

🧸 5. Use a Transitional Object

Let your child bring a small token from home (a note in their lunchbox, a special bracelet, etc.) to help them feel connected and safe during the day.

📖 6. Read Books About Feeling Nervous

There are wonderful children’s books that talk about worry and the first day of school. Reading them together can help your child feel less alone.

Final Thoughts: The Power of Validation

When you consistently validate your child’s feelings and help them navigate new situations with compassion, you’re doing more than easing back-to-school anxiety, you’re teaching lifelong emotional resilience.

It might take practice, especially for kids with big feelings or a history of anxiety. But over time, they’ll begin to internalize this message: “It’s okay to feel nervous. I can handle this.”

And that’s a gift that lasts well beyond the first day of school.

Do you want to set your child up for a successful start to the school year?  Grab a copy of my “Meet My Child” guide to help your child’s teacher quickly get up to speed and connect with your child.  First impressions matter, and if a child feels misunderstood or unsupported early on, it can affect their confidence, motivation, and behavior throughout the entire year.  Help your teacher’s child make a great first impression with this quick one page guide to your child.  Click here to download your copy today.